Hello welcome! I’m Queen Noodle, and if this blog is the first one you discover then feel free to check my first two before you get started. 🙂
So as I was snooping around my grandmothers house I had wondered into her bedroom. Where at the end of the double bed sat a nice storage ottoman. So me being the average glue eating kid I lifted up the heavy lid and wow… Just wow… This was … Where my grandmother kept her table clothes.
You’d think I would have stopped there with disappointment of just finding a whole load of cream colored stained tables clothes but oh no… Not me… This time curiosity killed the cat… Like… Seriously. So I dug my hand deeper into the folds of fabric and felt paper. “Oh what is it!?” I pulled out a magazine and a whole wave of confusion crossed my mind.
Expecting it to be a Beano comic book I’d usually find lying around this… This was something else. So I flicked through the pages of this magazine and with a face of pure confusion I couldn’t help but read on. One of the biggest questions I had in mind was “Why does she have her moo-moo out?” Being young and innocent I had no idea what it meant. So I wondered into the bathroom and had my wee-wee which was the reason I went up stairs in the first place. But I’m easily distracted.
So sitting on the toilet reading this magazine I noticed I had some rather interesting questions. For one, “Why is this lady touching the man’s winky…” or “How is she even doing that!” So after exploring the odd images I left the bathroom and put it back in the ottoman and pretend I never saw anything. So a week past and it was the weekend and everyone was at my grandmothers. So I found my opportunity to do more snooping.
I went back to the Ottoman and lifted up the lid and felt around for it. Aha! I found it again! I gripped the magazine and pushed it under my top and tucked my top into my trousers. I knew mother was in the bathroom so I waited for her to go down then I walked from my grandmothers bedroom and walking down to the bathroom my uncle had been waiting for the bathroom to vacate. So I panicked and grabbed the magazine and ran into the spare room and sat on it.
“What are you doing!?” I heard my uncle! Oh no … I was in trouble. I know it … My uncle being a big bloke with blonde curly hair came stomping in. Me and my uncle often clashed and he picked on me a little because I was a “Wimp” in his eyes. Although undoubtedly he loved me but liked to taunt me a lot. So sitting still on top of my little new found magazine he looked at me “Get up!” he demanded. I shook my head… Oh no!, Ohhh nooo! oh no, oh, no! I could feel it I could feel that moment if pure terror approaching as he then stopped and said “STAND UP!”
So.. Standing up he looked at the crumpled magazine that hid under my bum and grabbed it rolling it up into a tube. Ohh dear. “You shouldn’t have that!” Oh … I know … But still my uncle took the magazine and left to go downstairs saying them words every kid hates and dreads… “I’m telling your mum…” NOO!!! I dreaded coming downstairs. I went to the bathroom and waited and until … “GET DOWN HERE!” my uncle shouted. I quickly left the bathroom and I sneaked downstairs.
Going into the living room I was grated by giggled and smiles. I was confused on why. My mother called me over and sat me on her lap. I was embarrassed what kid wouldn’t be? Being caught looking at men and woman touching each other’s winkys and moo-moos My mother explained why I should read the magazines and I shouldn’t snoop in future.
But did that stop me? …
… Oh hell no it didn’t
Right well I hope you enjoyed reading my little embarrassing moment and I’d be happy to tell you more in the future.
Maybe I’d tell you about what made me run off and cry in the middle of P.E Or the time I tried to convince my teacher I was a vampire. Or maybe even the time the teacher made me eat of the bin. Who knows what things will thought up for my next post but either way my whole life of embarrassing things will be here and upcoming in future to either make you laugh or just down right cringe…